Sex is what our bodies were built to do, but at times it can feel so foreign. (Is that
just a girl thing? Yeah? Well, take our word for it, OK?) Maybe this explains why alcohol
always accompanies first dates? Sex is amazing once you’ve gotten into a good groove
with someone, but sometimes it’s awkward, disconnected, and weird. When you go to
bed with an new and unfamiliar woman, there are a few big “hell no-nos” you
should keep in mind so things don’t get off to a confusing start.
We don’t necessarily want to think of you as our “daddy.”
Women who are into the whole “daddy” thing are bizarrely over-represented on
film. Pro tip: Most of us aren’t feelin’ it. I was had to deal with an episode
of “daddy talk” during one particularly romantic evening. After a night of
partying, a gentleman and I humped (oh, excuse me, “made love”) on his
disgusting bathroom floor. After 30 seconds of half-baked sex he decided this was the
moment to bust out some full-on Freudian language. If I had a penis, my boner would have
shriveled up inside of me like a grape in the sunshine. Never, ever, ever, do I want to
think of the man who gave me half of my DNA while I’m having sex. I know a lot of
women -- a lot of freaky women -- who are into everything Dr. Laura would frown upon, but
none of them are down with the daddy talk.
Remember that sexy time you fell asleep right after finishing?
Every once and a while some “scientific study” comes out explaining to women
why we are bound to be the weaker sex forever. We love studies like these, they’re
awesome. Just kidding!In the Journal of Social, Evolutionary and Cultural
Psychology one “study” found that men may fall asleep first to avoid
commitment conversations out of the fear of a woman’s superior verbal abilities. "If
men actively avoid commitment promises in post-coital conversation, this could increase
the likelihood of women ending the relationship... Hastening sleep onset may evade this
adverse effect," wrote the researchers. I’d slap you, “science,” but you
may mistake this for a high-five. Look, whether you are gay, straight, male, female, or
Jamie Lee Curtis, passing out after your orgasm without tending to your partner is selfish
and undignified. She may act like she’s OK with it, but chances are she is
definitely not. Sex is give and take, back and forth. You should enjoy giving pleasure as
much as you enjoy receiving and if you don’t, then you need to evaluate how much you
really even really like the person you’re getting naked next to.
If it wasn’t a sexy dream starring us, we don’t want to hear about
it.
Nobody wants to hear about your dreams. Multiply this concept of “nobody” by
a million when it comes to someone you have just started dating. Nobody cares that you had
a nightmare where your fifth grade teacher and a pack of headless geese were chasing you
through an airport. Nobody cares that you dreamed that you were Beyonce’s toilet.
Unless you have some psychic dream that dictates the exact winning numbers for the
lottery, or had a dream where we an all-powerful sex goddess, please keep it to yourself.
We may be into toys, but not with a guy we hardly know.
Like most moves in the sack, it’s best to test the water before diving in head
first. Introducing a sex toy to the mix should be done with careful, unhurried
communication, which simply means that you should feel out the situation first. Sex is all
about your intuition. Pay attention to her body and don’t be afraid to ask for what
you want. Depending on the nature of your relationship, your ability to communicate will
differ. Trust is the name of the game when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, a lot of people
(especially those who are not quite at their peak of sexual confidence) don’t offer
their desires straight up, so be wise and read between the lines when you need to.
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